The Concept of Love and Arranged Marriages in Our Western society

In every religion and culture, the aspect of marriage along with family values is crucial. Certain cultures have views towards the idea of a family where others differ. In this assignment, I will be focusing on the topic of arranged marriages in Middle Eastern households. Arranged marriage is an important topic due to the fact that it remains relatively nonexistent in the American culture. However, Middle Eastern arranged marriages are still taking place in our contemporary world, despite controversial ideas about the idea of love and marriage. In order to have a deeper understanding in this subject, it is crucial to interact with students who are Muslim, Pakistani, or Palestinian because they can give insight about their ideas about arranged marriages and what form of marriage that they side with. Despite different views about marriages, it is essential to understand the meanings behind arranged marriages and why this traditional arrangement still exists.

In our contemporary and Western society, the idea of love and marriage focuses on the importance of true and free love. The Western culture emphasizes the significance for the person to have the freedom and ability to choose their life-long partner. After all, doesn’t it make sense that if one person decides to be committed and live with a person then he should be able to choose who it is? Our society has perpetuated the fact that finding true love is fundamentally based on two people’s intimate chemistry and nothing more. Furthermore, romantic movies and novels would create thrilling scenes where two people would quickly fall in love and be engrossed with each other. They would also show that their love is everlasting, resilient, and attainable. Furthermore, the idea of love and family are connected in every society and culture. Pertaining to our Western viewpoint, when two people decide to fall in love, they would not think about their parents’ viewpoint or approval first hand. Instead, the lovers would sometimes go against their parents’ disapproval in order to sustain their “strong” and “passionate” love. This shows that even though parents are important influences in a person’s decision, it is not important enough for one person to change their choice about being with that significant other. As a result, this form of love is viewed to be desirable in our society. However, people also learn through their real-life experiences that the idea of love that is shown in movies seems impractical and unrealistic.

There are a multitude of people who view arranged marriages in the Middle East negatively. Comparing it to Western ideals, it shows that parents and family values have a higher importance which is also shown the parents are the ones who choose their child’s future partner. Some people view this negatively because they see it as too traditional and outdated. They believe that parents should not be the ones to determine who their child should be with for the rest of his life because it gives their child no control at all. Also, in arranged marriages, the couple would not meet often beforehand which contrasts with Western views since they believe that a couple should learn one another in order to get involved. Despite these reasons, there are also positive reasons as to having an arranged marriage. Even though people believe that parents should not have the power to choose who their child’s life partner should be, some also argue that it is for the better. Since parents are wiser and can view people’s characteristics with a deeper insight, they are able to choose a more compatible partner with certain traits where their child would not have noticed. By doing so, they argue that parents can ensure a more successful and stable marriage. The concept of family is also different in Middle Eastern culture. While couples typically move away from their parents once they get married in our Western society, families tend to stay close to one another in Middle Eastern culture. This explains how parents are viewed as a higher importance in this society.

Furthermore, not only is the view of parents and family values different in Western and Middle Eastern society, the idea of love can also be viewed differently. In Western society, the idea of love is created through chemistry and emotional intimacy. Social media and romance movies make the concept of love to be exciting and exhilarating. However, in reality there are a lot of hardships and struggles that couples deal with in order to stay together. Arranged marriages are viewed to be outdated, however the concept of love is not only more family oriented. It also emphasizes perseverance and patience. Couples in arranged marriages tend to not know each other initially and therefore work with one another in order to form a stable and good relationship. As a result, arranged marriages are controversial because some view it to be for the good while others view it as restricting and so forth.

Despite knowing the good and bad with arranged marriages, it is important to point out that different marriages work with different people. Some people divorce and some are able to stay in arranged marriages like any other marriage. As a result, I have asked students who are Muslim, Pakistani, and Palestinian about their ideas about arranged marriages. Some of their parents had an arranged marriage and therefore these students have a deeper insight to this topic. As a result, I ask them about how they feel about arranged marriages and whether they would get an arranged marriage. These are just a few questions of what I asked them. Therefore, readers would be able to learn more about how Middle Eastern values and the differences in the idea of family and love.

Hanae is a Muslim student who is currently majoring in Biology.

Location: Kilmers Library

· What do you think about arranged marriages?

"I don’t know anyone who’s in one. I don’t think it's good because when people are in an arranged marriage its' not true love. They think it is true love but I think it's because they are spending a lot of time with each other and gradually believe its true".

· How common are arranged marriages?

"In general, it's pretty common with older generations. It’s not as common nowadays!"

Zainab is a Pakistani student who is majoring in accounting
Location: Kilmers Library

1. Do you think there is some truth behind arranged marriages?

"Yes definitely, parents tend to look for things that we don’t look for right away like stability, family history, upbringing. When younger people look at who they want to marry they think “I want to love this person”, but they don’t think about the realistic things like 'do they have a good job' or 'are there going to be any financial strains?' Parents tend to know more and therefore look out for things we won't see".

· Besides the different type of marriages, what do you think of American and Middle East culture think how love and family ties with marriage?

"I feel like the American culture is like “we are doing the best for ourselves and being independent" while other middle eastern countries focus on their families. Therefore there are multigenerational houses like people are living with their grandparents. For example, my cousins and aunts live together in the same block and they emphasize togetherness. For me, I was born here like my mom. I see my family a lot and we bond a lot. I think countries around the world like “Eastern” they focus on family".

Ammaar Ahmed is Pakistani student who is majoring in engineering.

Location: Kilmers Library

\· What do you think about arranged marriages?

"I don’t think they’re not bad in nature. Your parents are doing with the best interest in mind when they’re trying to find a spouse but they might not have a full idea of your interests and what you’re looking for. This can be difficult for the person".

Did your parents have an arranged marriage?

"Yes, they had an arranged marriage and they grew to learn to love another. I know other arranged marriages where it led to divorce. It's honestly case by case, you can’t generalize it."

Laila is a Palestinian and freshman student

We received consent to use this photo from Laila A.

· Besides the different type of marriages, what do you think of American and Middle East culture think how love and family ties with marriage?

"I think Middle Easterners are slowly changing how they see marriage. Arab women always get the final say in who they marry because our marriages aren't the type of arranged that people think they are, but I think couples are starting to have their parents interfere a lot less. People are getting married at the age that they want, to who they want, it just doesn't start out in the western way–dating. Arabs use engagements the way that western cultures use dating".

What do you think about arranged marriages?

"I don't believe in arranged marriages, times have changed and marriages are supposed to be about love now, not a financial agreement between two families".

Sadaf is Pakistani student who is currently majoring in Political Science

Location: Kilmers Library

· There are two contrasting ideas about marriages pertaining to the Western and Eastern ideas. Which one do you side or agree with more and why?

"I don’t have problem with either. I’m not trying to be in an arranged marriage although my parents are arranged. Also, I take my parents into approval for my decision. There are good cases where arranged marriage can be successful. However, in an arranged marriage it's not about love it's about working with another. I see it as more stable and more successful but I don’t see it as the happiest".

· How common are arranged marriages?

"For American born Pakistanis, it's not common. There is a hybrid event where you can decide where you do it. In Pakistan there are a lot of people who have arranged marriages".

Ezzah

Location: Kilmers Library

What do you think about arranged marriages?
"It depends case by case and depends on what that person wants. Some marriages work out while others fall through. Personally I wouldn’t do it because I want to be able to choose who to marry in the future".

· Do you think there is some truth behind arranged marriages?

"My parents are in arranged marriage. There is misconception what people have about arranged marriages. Some people don’t get married blindly. They meet each other prior and then agree to get married. Even though they didn’t meet often beforehand, they get to decide to get an arranged marriage".

Amber is a freshman student who is studying supply chain management and marketing

Location: Livingston Apartment C

· Besides the different type of marriages, what do you think of American and Middle East culture think how love and family ties with marriage?

"In middle eastern culture, it's more like family oriented. Families are more involved in middle eastern cultures because they put in more effort to being together. From my experiences they value spending time more".

· How common are arranged marriages?

"Now it's not that common. It’s dying off. My parents were in arranged marriage. They were initially introduced because there weren’t a lot of Pakistani people so they decided to get married. They weren’t forced but they chose".

Mahmoud is a sophomore student who is majoring in computer engineering
Location: Livingston Apartment C

· Do you think you can obtain true love through an arrange marriage

"My idea of love is different. I don’t believe the idea of love at first light. I believe that when you spend a lot of time with that person and learn more about them and struggle together, then that is when you actually love that person. I think that is attainable in an arranged marriage. There are many different cases but I think that it is possible".

· What do you think about arranged marriages for yourself

"I don’t think I would be in an arranged marriage because it seems forced. I would want to know a girl and get to know her personality before marrying her".

F For this Social Media assignment, I received consent from all the students. This is shown with the pictures below.