Cultural Pride vs Cultural Shame

By Zainab Ali
Growing up in a town known for its diversity, it was a given that I would learn about different cultures. But growing up Muslim, I was exposed to a lot of Middle Eastern culture specifically, regardless of the fact that I myself am not of Middle Eastern Descent. I grew up hearing kids speaking to each other in the various dialects of Arabic, eating middle-eastern food, and learning about cultural norms. My friends would even tease me, saying that with my Arabic sounding name, basic knowledge of the Arabic alphabet, curly and unruly hair and Muslim upbringing, I was basically Arab myself. It was a statement that I laughed over, but I would notice that many of my friend’s parents did not find it as humorous.

I'm from Palestine and Jordan. I love both places, they're my favorite places in the world. I'm am happy when I'm with people similar to me, because I can relate to them more, but I don't mind being around others who are different. I am proud of where I came from, it has made me who I am today, and I wouldn't change anything about it. - Mahmoud Hamdan, Sophomore

I began to realize that there are a really confusing disconnect between my friend’s pride and shame towards where they came from. On one hand, they were proud of their heritage, stating their respective countries of origin were the best places on earth, citing their food, culture, and languages as proof. But then at the same time, in certain settings, they were almost ashamed of their backgrounds; complaining when their mothers packed them their “ethnic” foods for lunch, quieting their parents in public when they were spoken to in foreign languages and urging them to speak English instead. Some of my friends would constantly straighten their curly hair, and lament their more olive based skin tone, all while stating that middle eastern girls were the most beautiful girls in the world. It was confusing and disheartening to say in the least. It was painful to watch so many people who I cared for run back and forth between pride and shame. I didn’t understand; why were these kids so afraid to be who they were also proud of being? And where did this disconnect come from? For my project, I wanted to further explore this disconnect, and hopefully help people come to terms with the issues they’re battling.

When I'm around people of the same cultural identity as me I feel like I'm not "Paki enough" or not "Iranian enough." Being born and raised in America, I definitely am disconnected from the culture of my parents' countries. Although I have a good understanding of both cultures, I always feel like my understanding is that of an outsider looking in. When I'm around people who are of different ethnic backgrounds than me, I feel greater pride in who I am. I noticed that people often find my ethnicity interesting, exotic, or intriguing, which makes me realize I might have something to be proud of. However, sometimes I feel misunderstood because I have had experiences when I have received racist, judgmental, and closed-minded responses when I tell people my ethnicity. I'm definitely not ashamed of who I am, and I find beauty in my family history, but I don't think that cultural identity is something to be proud of. It's something you're born with and have no say in. I love my family history and heritage and it's fun to learn about, but I'm not one to take pride in something this isn't of my own doing. - Ezzah Syed, Sophomore

Of course I've been embarrassed of my background. But that's something I grew out of. Now, I love Palestine to death. If I could change something about my background it would be it's occupation. Palestinian pride is resistance, if I wasn't proud of where I came from I'd be contributing to our occupation, in my opinion. - Laila Abbas, Freshman

To start my project, I gathered people of middle eastern descent, and started with the basics; their age, what they were studying at Rutgers, and what they thought of their respective countries of origin. I gave them an online form to get them thinking about the topic, and then switched to asking them actual questions myself. In the real time interviews, I started pushing deeper, I asked about how they felt about their identities around other people of Middle Eastern descent, and how they felt about themselves when they weren’t around people like them. Also, I asked if they were proud of where they came from, and where their pride came from, then I asked if they wanted to change anything about themselves. To make things more personal, I then interviewed people with similar backgrounds to mine. I asked them similar questions and compared them to my own answers. This report is in no way meant to offend anyone. I simply hope to bring to light on the struggles that many children of immigrants face every day. Though the process of interviewing, I wanted people to learn more about themselves and grow more comfortable with who they are.

My family is from Pakistan. I think Pakistan is a beautiful country with limited resources leaving people poor. I embrace my cultural identity and I love being around people with similar or different backgrounds. I'm proud of my country because it's my home. However, I have been embarrassed about my ethnic origin before. However, I've outgrown that and now I would like to change people's perspectives on my background. - Zoha Amjad, Freshman 

I am originally from Egypt. My parents were both born and raised there, but I was born and raised in America. I love Egypt, because most of my extended family and relatives live there. The atmosphere and the people there are also great, but it's also very different from America, but It's not my home. Often times I'm asked where I'm from because of how I look. When I say New York (I was born there), I always get the response, "no, but where are you really from?" People who've asked me never mean it insultingly, but it's just annoying that you have to look a certain way to be considered a true American. Anything else, you're automatically a foreigner and not "from here." That's why, for me, it's easier to get along with people from the same culture, because there are things we can talk and joke about you can't with others. But I have no preference. I don't mind being with people from any culture/background. - Salma Elkholy, Sophomore

Through my interviews, I found that though many students originated from other countries, and had great respect and love for those countries, they didn’t see those countries as home, but rather considered the United States as home. Other students did consider countries overseas as home, and others considered both the United States and their country of origin as home. Some people said they didn’t feel like they fully belonged in either the United States, or their country of origin.

I am proud of where I came from because although Morocco is considered Middle Eastern, its culture is so unique, with the mixture Arabic with French. Overall I like the Moroccan culture. There are, however, a few things that I do not like about Morocco like how the men can be selfish and arrogant. I like being around people who share my cultural background. However, I like being with people who have different backgrounds better. I have never been embarrassed about my cultural background, I wouldn't want to change anything about it. - Hanae Eljdid, Freshman

When asked if they were ever embarrassed of who they were, the responses were mixed. I found that many of them used to be embarrassed of certain aspects of their culture, but as they grew older, they found the beauty in it. Some shared stories about their own experiences growing up. One interviewee said that she used to be so embarrassed to speak Urdu, to the point where she refused to speak the language for several years. She said that now, as a young adult, she regrets that choice because she now has a weak handle on the language that connects her to Pakistan.

My parents are from Pakistan. I personally love the country but I feel that its not the best place to call home. I feel that my cultural identity is not shaped by the people i am surrounded by, but rather how I express and celebrate it on my own. I have been embarrassed about my background before, but I wouldn't change a thing. - Aiman Waseem, Freshman

I used to be embarrassed about certain things. I used to be embarrassed about speaking my language so I refused to speak it my entire life and now have a very weak handle on Urdu. I grew up mispronouncing my own name to make it easier for other people to pronounce my name. Now, I would never change my background now because I believe it has helped shape who I am. Even though Pakistan has some issues politically and economically, I am very proud of the progress we've made over the last few decades and am optimistic about the future of Pakistan. Pakistan is a beautiful nation and is full of culture. - Sadaf Bajwa, Sophomore

I compared the results to my own life, and realized that the disconnect between pride and shame isn’t just reserved for those who hail from the Middle East, but to everyone from anywhere around the world. Growing up, I remember wanting colored eyes, and occasionally begging my mother to speak to me in English in public rather than Urdu. Through this report, I learned that though there is a disconnect between pride and shame, it is one that can be overcome. Once a person grows enough to realize that the majority’s opinion isn’t always right, they’re able to love themselves, and their cultural backgrounds more than they had been able to previously. Self love can be a tricky topic, but once its realized, a new world opens up, and you find that many of the obstacles you used to face were self-imposed.

Zainab Ali is a freshman who is currently enrolled in the Rutgers Business school. She currently is interested in both the Accounting and Finance majors, and hopes to be a CPA in the future. You can contact her at zee.ali@rutgers.edu