Louis C.K.'s SNL Monologue on the Israel-Palestine Conflict, and An Analogical Narrative on the characters of Israel and Palestine 

Dear Brother,

            One year ago, you’ve given me the task of deciding on which partner your interests lie- Isabella or Polly; and I have made my decisions accordingly.

            Polly demonstrates that she would become the better recipient of her partner’s fortune. Polly is, if you could reduce your sexual attraction towards Isabella, very diligent compared to how anyone could have responded to her uncle’s abuse. The woman is thick-skinned, and yesterday, I saw her fearlessly feel independent and existentially loose as she danced in the rain during our afternoon snacking of raisins and dry almonds on the temple stairs. I can discuss the bad news, as Isabella has been having trouble in the telling you immediately of how your princess from birth, angel of desperation, ocean of leaves which condense into rolls of thunder, but ripple like Swans’ paddles on lake Tycho; I cannot forget to mention Isabella.

            Isabella is, now where do I begin with Isabella? Isabella- what a woman? A tier beyond Polly, definitely, and Isabella, during Polly’s dance in the rain, was counting the pebbles near the river with respect to the boulders in the sky. She exceeds the qualities needed for today’s women to be considered beautiful, but she lives her life as if she has the uncertain face of a child’s.

            I can say one is independent while the other is arrogant, one is intelligent while the other is sneaky, and one of them is like Dolly from “A Doll’s House,” but I will not, for the purpose of maintaining my promise to only analyze the women to their characteristics for dating than for any sentimental, prideful reason.

            Isabella: I’ve noticed has been receiving love letters from someone whom she refrains from sharing the name of. I thought she was being secretive much like yourself, but in her circumstances and rank, I doubt the existence of secrets such as that will ever pass us by unnoticed. The night before Cinco de Mayo, I found it awkward how she constantly reserved to her room instead of decorating the temple walls. I decided that day that I did not like her outside of my line-of-my-sight, so I broke one of our agreements to never look into any woman’s personal space. Secretly, but I- and, I swear my investigation was worthy. That night, in Isabella’s room, Isabella was in the company of a stranger. The corridors were vacant, but I swear to have seen a mysterious figure in this island of predominantly women. I saw a man.

            I didn’t confront her, of course, for the few days after the incident. Isabella continued to live in the dark, but I had the uneasy feeling that there were secrets in the daylight as well.

            Nonetheless, before the day I confronted Isabella (a day you must be well acquainted with) I’ve had the delight of visiting Polly’s hometown- Baskerville. Unusually though, I’ve only found one church in a town full of different nationalities. She mentioned that her grandfather once contributed to banning the practice of other religions in the town to stop the daily riots. I didn’t know if the effects of that ban created an animosity or an oppression, but I began to wonder why a dominant class shouldn’t establish order so there may be peace. After the history lesson, Polly shared with me the myth of the New Writers.

            The story goes: Once there arrived in a wagon- a device that could print any manuscript in a day. One of the townsman growled at the machine, and argued that “the old way” of work was more modest. The town’s people disagreed. They overthrew the old man in favor of the machines. After that, a few experts on the machines, the writers began to document the history of the village. These writers worked in sweat-shop like conditions, and their paper cuts bled in the color of ink. The townspeople became more organized with their taxes and services, and therefore the town became effective. One summer day, the mayor of the town visited the print shop of the writers only to see that they were not there. He asked the people in the area, but they disappeared when he wasn’t looking. After he found himself in a vacant, desert part of town, he returned, by night, to his comfortable office where he saw a shadowy figure sit across the room with one brightly lit candle at the edge of the open window.

            Polly summarized the end afterwards, saying that the mayor overtaxed the townspeople, therefore leading to the vacancy of an entire town- an entire town that has been inscribed on documents. The myth ends with the mayor going insane, but the idea behind ‘The New Writers’ is fascinating.

            I asked Polly why she told me the story, and she responded that it had something to do with some absurd truths, and of how writing something didn’t make something true, but the fact that it was written gives people the confidence that what is written is definitely not untrue. But, she continued, when writing lies creates truths in reality- that is both the problem and the mystery. The New Writers never existed in the myth. Imagine this analogy: If one finds a culprit, one is bound to find evidence, but the opposite is not so simple. When one finds evidence, the evidence is bound to lead to different culprits. But in the cases where there is no abundance of evidence or the evidence points towards an innocent culprit, it becomes problematic. The mythos of the New Writers argues that while not all evidence can point at any culprit, one may use the New Writers as scapegoats for that crime. As Polly puts it, “Some writings are not written by anyone. They write themselves, and it’s impossible to find the people responsible for writing it. In that case, you blame the fact that such writings came to existence with secrecy- only slandering society with unwritten promises.

            Finally, late at that evening, the temple enjoyed fireworks on a cloud-less sky. The last time I saw Polly and Isabella, they were sitting on the stairs, and contemplating life. Therefore, it is my wish brother that you revoke your decisions from both of them. While Isabella’s conquest would be your victory, it is important that Polly doesn’t suffer irreversible damage as a result of your immoral secret agreements.

Srikanth Kundeti. Attends Rutgers University- New Brunswick

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